I speak with my Mother's voice

Mar 18, 2008 at 4:51 AM
24 comments

For anyone who doesn't know, my Mom died toward the end of December of last year. She was sick for a long, long time. For many years, we shared the house that I grew up in. I'm here now, working to make my way through the days, to rebuild a life that was "on hold."

Anyway, I spent a lot of my childhood alone and got used to talking to myself. It's a normal thing, to chatter away; there's comfort there, I think. Now that my days are so quiet, I hear my voice loudly.

The thing is, it's my Mother's voice. We sounded alike. Not just a little alike but almost scary-alike. Even my aunts and uncles couldn't tell, on the phone, who was who. So these days, when I drop something and say, "S%&#!!!" I hear Mom. And when I say, "Have a good nap, Sweetie," I hear Mom. And when I tell me I'd better get the dishes done, I hear Mom saying it.

It's not a bad thing. Just jarring. You know? Yesterday I began to realize that it's a wonderful gift, to hear her voice. And I'm treasuring it.

24 comments

Comments

I believe that people leave ethereal finger-prints, and when an object or a person has been with someone long enough it (or they) start to carry a bit of that person's spirit. I'm sure your mother's fingerprints and spirit are imbuing things all over your home, and I'm positive that with as close as you two were you carry a little bit of her with you all the time.

I'm sure that it must be nice for the house to feel like she is still there. Triply nice for you, to have that sense of her still occupying your space.

Robbbiedobbbie replied to shush now’s comment:
Mar 18, 2008
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Yes -- the voice thing is a little bit odd sometimes-- my aunt called me the other day, just to hear Mom say hello. We sound THAT much alike. At first it was very hard to deal wirh, but now it's a good thing.

[this is beautiful]

I agree with shush about the fingerprints. Also, that it's nice. I wish I could hear my mother's voice. Others would say I sound like her, but it's not enough that I could hear it much of the time.

Robbbiedobbbie replied to DKN’s comment:
Mar 18, 2008
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Thanks....... :)

Yeah, what Shushie said. She had your back with the Asplundh guys, so it's good that you get comfort from her voice. Plus, you and your mom sounding alike isn't a bad thing, like it was for Norman Bates channeling his mother. (shivers)

Robbbiedobbbie replied to emily sears’ comment:
Mar 18, 2008
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wish I could hear ((((((hugs))))))

fingerprints. yes..!

It is nice. When I was in my 20's and 30's it annoyed me, because I thought it meant I sounded old. When I was in my 40's I realized that it wasn't going to change, you know? So i might as well get used to it. Now I'm glad for it.

Robbbiedobbbie replied to tom’s comment:
Mar 18, 2008
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lol -- Norman Bates

Asplundh guys, So true -- :)

The people we love never completely leave us. There are little bits and pieces of them all over the place, and all we have to do is recognize them when we see them. You're going to find your mom all over the house, Robbbie. And in your thoughts. And in the world outside --- mostly, when you least expect it.
You were an awesome daughter to your mother, Robbbie.

Over the years, I have gotten my mother's hands. When I was younger, she would remark how long and slender and lovely my hands were, and her's were shorter and kind of stubby, and her skin was thin, with age-spots as she got older. Now my once long slender lovely hands look just like I remember my mother's --- including the age spots. I look at my hands and remember how busy and talented my mother's hands were. Even if they were not model's hands, they were always doing something loving and nurturing, or busy with honest hard work. I wish I was more like my mother, than just having her hands. I wish I could call her up and hear her beautiful voice again. I wish I could feel her take me in her arms and hold me close in a hug.
My heart goes out to you when I think of you and your mom, Robbbie. I know exactly what you're going through.

If you and your mother were that close, then yes, you'd find great comfort in hearing her voice and whatever else lies around that speaks to her presence past and present.

Robbbiedobbbie replied to Waterbaby’s comment:
Mar 18, 2008
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That's true -- thanks .... :)

Robbbiedobbbie replied to YGRS’s comment:
Mar 18, 2008
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YGRS that's so sweet of you -- kind -- and I know you absolutely understand -- and by the way, I'm typing this with my Mother's hands, sort of. Mine said the same to me -- that my hands are beautiful -- etc -- and now my nails are short and dry, and the skin is puckery and spotted and hey look like hers. they aren't as capable, though of doing so many things that she did. Mine are different in their scope of ability. But wow they look like someone else's -- hers.

I'm starting to cry so I'm going to stop -- ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

YGRS replied to Robbbiedobbbie’s comment:
Mar 18, 2008
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((((( huggs right back to you )))))
&:o)

Robbbiedobbbie replied to YGRS’s comment:
Mar 18, 2008
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[this is good]

I know what you mean. It is a gift..I hope someday I quit sounding like my sister and start sounding like my mother! :)

((Hugs))

[this is good]

*grabs Kitten and does happy dance*

You made TiG!!! Congrats! You're famous, now. You got this story put up on Vox's refrigerator. Try and remember us little folks now that you're a big star.

The Vox Overlords are showing you some love! YAY!

[this is good]

I noticed something similar when my father died (because my voice is actually exactly like my mother's and I had to face that fact a while ago). I relized that I said many of the same phrases he did. It makes me smile when I hear something he would have said come out of my mouth. It makes me feel closer to him.